Average of feelings for the middle class

As middle class folks we are taught to average out everything. Margin of safety is everything. Risk aversion is the most important thing. Impending doom is the only certainty. Scarcity mindset is a necessity.

So, if you were born bang in the middle of a middle class family, then you have been doing cost-benefit analysis all your life. You have been life’s example of a balancing act. You are looking at a t-shirt and thinking, won’t I get a cheaper price in that other market, I am only paying for the label here, the cloth is the same etc etc. This is a pretty irrational assessment but it is an in-built habit to look at expenses carefully and ask yourself, if your sorry-ass life, needs to spend that money.

The argument of the balancing act goes beyond money as well. You go to houses of relatives at a time when some sort of food is served. You go to their houses expecting food to get served. You frown and call them names when no food is served. Only tea is not food, sorry. You make friends with the ones who are willing to split expenses. If one of the friends is always short on cash, he is invariably a leech. He stays in the group till he can and gets discarded as soon as he becomes the additional one that everybody has to foot for.

Now, this middle class way of life is a religion. The code is passed on for generations. It has bred mindsets of large swathes of the population. There are wealthy families whose kids still think twice before picking up a shirt of their choice. The parents are teaching them prudence. The prudence could very well be misplaced. The false sense of humility is very important because it earns them respect and admiration from other prudent people.

Soon the person who has lived his life in this ecosystem of confounded values, starts to average out feelings. He has never learnt to feel something fully. When he is happy, he is reminded that too much laughter or happiness is not a good look on anyone. When he is sad, he is reminded to brush it off and stop ‘behaving like a girl.’ If you found that last statement offensive, I apologize. There is, however, an element of truth to it. Ask your moms, aunts and grannies as to how many times they’ve used this line on male members of the family.

Hence begins a life of curtailed feelings. As a man, you have to hide your tears and show a brave face. Stoic faces during funerals of loved ones are a blockbuster hit. You are never to express love, fully, easily and truly. A physical expression of love is by far the most lewd act. I have never seen couples in the previous generations of my family so much as touch the arms of their spouses during family gatherings. It is astounding how they gave birth to a full generation of offsprings.

Suppressed and repressed feelings become the way of life. They seldom find outlets. The suppression leads to several emotional deformities. Anger is one of the most common. Avoidance is big as well. Seeking love and affection outside relationships. Seeking environments to be free with feelings. Unhealthy relationship with one’s own self and understanding of things such as masturbation. Kids seeking to stay away from their parents because they can’t display affection to their loved ones. Forget that, they can’t watch a kissing scene on tv without twitching and gesturing uncomfortably.

Good degrees and bank balances are the only truly appreciative things in a middle class family. Everything else is hushed voices and under the sheets with lights out. The average of feelings in an average middle class household is ZERO.